Airport.

WARNING- This one is pretty emo. I wrote half of it while sobbing my face off at the airport after having said goodbye to my family after an epic visit home. This piece is so emo, I didn't want to post it at first. But I left home about 2 weeks ago and haven't posted anything here in about a month, so it was time to share. Sorry for the lapse in updates. I will be writing about the trip home in a happier tone soon. So much to say about it, I might as well start with the sad one. Only room for improvement :) Without further ado, here you are- 

10:45am on Tuesday morning, October 30th 2012, at Chicago O'Hare

Anyone who has seen the movie, "Love Actually" knows that airport scene. The one that makes airports look like the Magic Kingdom for adults, where people jump at each other in love and happiness and seem to just be waiting around the baggage carousels for special moments to happen. It seems to me, that this interpretation of airports couldn't be further from the truth. 

When I was younger, I believed in that stupid scene. I used to love airports. For my 17 through 21 year old self, the only thing my airport visits were missing from that "Love Actually" situation were the charming British actors in ugly sweaters. Until recent years, every time I was in an airport I was going on some exciting trip or I was returning home from some little adventure happy to see my family awaiting my return. I could not understand how some people I encountered in airports could be so quiet, grumpy, and aloof with all of the happiness that their surroundings bring. Oh, the ignorance of my youth. 

Alas, I am older and things are harder. This is what I am learning. Things just get tougher as you get older. While I'm cool with that and expect that to happen in life, lately it seems like this rule applies to everything. Even taking a comfortable flight to a beautiful place like Peru where I have a life that I quite enjoy is painfully difficult this morning. So be it. I can handle it. But I must say, there are no swirling love shots in the airport scene that I am a part of today. I am just another disgruntled adult hurrying up to wait. Sitting in cautious boredom hoping my flight is not affected by the massive storm that is affecting much more than a few thousand flights this week. It is petty and selfish to worry about a travel delay when so many peoples' homes and lives are at risk. And so I sit here counting my blessings and hoping the best for the people affected by Hurricane Sandy while sipping one last precious Starbucks treat and trying my best not to fall asleep or burst into tears. 

As I wait for my flight towards the Southern hemisphere and away from my awesome family, I have pulled out the Mac to distract myself and channel my grumpiness. When I turn into a crabby patty I need to either run or write to work that whole grumpy bitch situation into something that is manageable. Since dashing around gate K15 in my new running shoes at Chicago O'Hare is likely to attract attention, I have come here to clack out my sadness on the laptop. Lucky you, reader, you get to join me. 

I realize how silly this might sound to you while reading all of this. I have the world in front of me with a wonderful opportunity like the Peace Corps that has turned out very well for me. I am coming off of an incredible week in which I was spoiled with every material or edible thing I could have asked for in the company of my favorite people in all of life. I am returning to the hopeful springtime and delicious mango season of a gorgeous country I have fallen in love with. I am more fortunate in life than I can explain and I realize that more and more everyday. So why am I sitting in an airport gate squinching up my face like it will hide the tears rolling across my recently cheese-fattened cheeks? The answer is my family. I could not have asked for a better one and it is so hard to leave them. They mean the world to me, so to leave them and know that I won't see them again for nearly another year makes me fail my mission of trying not to cry. 

And so I sit here bawling with puffy eyes and that dumb cry face I always make in attempts of hiding the obvious act of crying. This sucks and there is no way to sugar coat that or pretend that there is not a really shitty downside of Peace Corps. There is and it's that being away from family is the hardest of the hard things for me. GUH. Now the lady sitting next to me with the great boots and the bratty kid is giving me that sympathetic, "I wonder why you're crying so hard" look and the middle aged ladies with their noses in books across from me are trying to pretend that my cry-sniffling is not driving them crazy. Must pull this together and get ready to board. Then leave the Midwest. Again. 

-Travel Pause-

I am back in Peru and revisiting this little piece of whiny self indulgent writing. After I closed the Mac and slipped it back into my backpack following those last sentences and got on the plane, things got better. It wasn't long after I boarded in Chicago that I woke up over Miami, staring at the beautiful ocean below and "preparing to land." Those obnoxious tears turned out to be a blessing as they induced some long overdue sleep, something that I needed very much. 

Once in Miami, I found my gate and splurged on one last meal in the States. I paid over $6 for a Corona Light. Damn airport. I called home one last time and nommed on a giant salad, then got one more Starbucks treat, with coffee cake. Told you I splurged. When in Rome. 

I arrived in Lima with the nice surprise of a friend waiting to retrieve me at the airport with Dunkin Donuts in hand. Either the "Get It While You Can" splurge continued there or the "Post-Vacation Sadness Binge" began in that moment, you decide. It's like "Goosebumps," you choose your fate!  

At good ol' Jorge Chavez airport in Lima, I got to gawk at a bunch of random Olympians arriving for some event in Lima while waiting in the customs line and speculate as to which Korean pop star was apparently arriving that night. Seeing as how I know of 0 Korean pop-stars, I got lost admiring the outfits of said performer's devoted fans crowding the airport with banners I could not read. But like always, the old people steal the show. Of all the strange happenings going on around me, I got most involved in boxing out a little old lady trying to beat me through the customs line. Her biggest challenge was not leaving her husband behind who was gaping around (wide-mouth style) worse than I was. In the end, she won. They always do. It worked out ok though, because my customs lady was nice and [BONUS!] my bag didn't get checked. When it was all over and I was walking away I even found a stowaway in my passport- a little red maple leaf. A tiny piece of home that I accidentally smuggled in. Perfect :)

So it was a nice arrival and a great way to end a very sad and long travel day. Unfortunately it took me about a week or so to shake off the post-vacation blues. It was to be expected and totally normal from what I hear from other volunteers. As one friend put it, "As much as you think it will, it never gets easier to leave." So this is just how it is and it simply means that I had a wonderful trip which I am sad is over. Plus that I have a great thing I left behind and miss very much. Nothing to be upset about, and not really the airport's fault, I suppose. 

And I guess one thing I can take comfort in is that I did have my "Love Actually" moment when my family picked me up as I arrived in the States, and I will have another one of those the next time I see them. They will be there because they are great and even though it's about 9 months away, I look forward to that moment so much. Plus, having a friend around with doughnuts as a surprise isn't half-bad as far as airport moments go. I am very fortunate in life. And while there are sad moments, there are always snacks. And where there are snacks, there is love. Which is to say there is always love. That was the message of that "Love Actually" scene anyway. So there you go.

Sappy Rom-Com: 1

Whiny Self-Indulgent Self: 1.5 (for free doughnuts and a maple leaf )